Life

34th Journey Around the Sun

Today I turn 34, and the only thing I can do is reflect. The first thing that comes to mind is how grateful I am that God chooses to favor me and continue to allow the sun to shine on my path to purpose. But mostly on how far I have come. Life has always been a battle between good decisions, morals, values, and understanding. Accepting the blessing or consequence in my choice, and I have made every bad decision imaginable. I have grown to understand the process of learning. I enjoy the pace that I choose to learn on MY journey because it has shaped me into a woman that 10 years ago I never thought I would be.

I took a hiatus from my purpose to embark on another journey which was my College Degree. This is one journey of mine that I knew that I wanted for ME, to identify myself as an individual. Outside of a friend, mother, and sister. I wanted to have something that I worked on that was just for me and no one else. And I DID IT !!! And now I find myself out a stand still, and I ask myself how did I get here.

The answer to that is not a magical one to say the least. I fought hard for this with tears in my eyes, a heavy heart fighting through the emotions of possibly losing mother to multiple brain tumor surgeries, ( not be shady but I am) dealing with what I perceived to be my Childs father doing anything that was necessary to dim my light and having to battle with whom in my circle was fit for my journey. Not to mention moody teenagers and clingy toddlers. It was a true battle of worthiness that I still sometimes question, a battle of my mental health because truly, I was not mentally able to handle the load that I had on my plate. I struggled more than most know not to give up every single day and I mean it. I really want to drop my classes on the last day because I did not have the mental strength to finish my finals.

I went through a serious battle of questioning why I was even here in the first place and wondering if all the blessing that I had received in the last two years were even meant for me. I had to come to the realization that my worthiness was not based on the things that I had or even the degree that I obtained but it was truly about getting to know Vontress. I needed so many more tools for this next journey ahead and my path needed to be clear in order for me to embark on my next level of greatness. I cried real tears ( and IYKYK) I DO NOT cry. I had to yell, scream, I even sat in a jail cell ( another story for another blog). I finally was brought to my knees and had to allow God to take control of my path and guide me to wherever was meant for me.

Starting my 34th year I do not have any expectations. I plan only to do what makes me happy no matter who agrees with it, I plan to be honest with my feelings and express them when necessary and I intended to stop allowing others and even myself to dim a light that only God can stop from shining. But truly I want to say thank you to ME for not giving up on me when I almost did. I only hope to do what leaves an impression of peace and kindness on others.

This year will be hard just like all these others but I will celebrate every small victory.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Life

How Will I Tell MY Sons…

How do I explain to my sons ….

How do I explain to my sons that the beautiful black skin they are in won’t be loved by others?

How do I explain to my sons that their strong – chiseled physique will be intimidating to those who don’t poses the same features?

How do I explain they will be feared for merely educating themselves with knowledge of where they come from and who they are destined to be?

How do I explain to sons the difference between cooperation and complacency?

How will I explain to them they are at risk of losing their lives for reaching for their phones and wallets?

How will I explain to my daughters they are valuable in A world that sees them only as objects?

How will I explain to my daughters they will be pushed against one another because one will be more “ desirable “ due to her fake skin and the other ridiculed for being dark chocolate like her matriarch queen ?

How will someone explain to me my son being shot dead in the street , a knee on his neck while he screams he can breathe , being gunned down while buying skittles , executed while complying all because they are BLACK!

How will WE make this change?

Book Info

Tainted Soil

I’m pleased to announce that my Fourth Poetry book ” Tainted Soil” is officially here!!!

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It took me sometime to find the right words to say, the feelings to feel or even the words to put down on my paper. Trying to find myself again after the birth of my son and working through Symptoms of Postpartum Depression; I decided that I wouldn’t allow the aftershock of my son or my insecurities take control of me or my purpose. I had to coach myself through my feelings and my words to figure out how to express my thoughts. I sat with myself for weeks and focused on the things that I was feeling and needed someone to understand. And then I birthed my fourth baby.

I am so thankful for all of the love and continued support that I have been receiving . From events, to my Blogs, poetry and books. It means the world to me. I still feel like a small time gal trying to make big dreams come true and I just hope that you all continue to follow me on this journey to BEST SELLING AUTHOR !

I’m Manifesting that shit HAHA

I have left the link below for purchase. And for those of you who do PLEASE PLEASE leave your reviews. 50+ reviews puts me on Amazon’s ” Suggested read list and allows me to reach a wider audience. Thanks in advance  -V

 

Tainted Soil !!

Life

Who Heals the Healers?

Often the strong friend or family member has no one to look to in their time of need ! They give in all ways and always to help others find balance and healing within themselves and their lives ! But strong people need healing as well . They need to know they can show their vulnerability and be strong in sharing their emotions. The healer often suffers in silence because they feel as if showing emotion is a sign of weakness to those who look to them for strength. Be mindful of your strong friend/family .

Understand that the strongest people around you carry the most weight and always feel obligated to be a shoulder, an ear , a ride , and an ATM! They feel like if they aren’t there then who else will ! But just like you they need someone to be there.

I know because I have always been the “go to ” and it can be exhausting . Giving and giving and leaving myself the leftovers. And often times I didn’t have anything left to give…ME!c7a4fd4542b18e0448ccfa6aa0df6c39.png

I had to talk to myself and remind myself it’s OK to say no ! It’s OK to not answer my phone and not always be at the beck and call of someone’s else’s problems. Sometimes they needed to learn to solve on their own . The problems were placed in their lives because the universe was teaching them something, and how could they learn if there was always someone like me there to fix the problem for them.

We must look outside ourselves and the selfishness of having someone we can count on and worry about who we can help as well. We all need help from time to time but make sure to check on your strong friends and family

They may need YOU today!

 

 

To Heal

…you must speak.

You must walk in a darkness and hope the prayers you speak only in your darkest moments shed light from your heart.

Tell yourself the only thing in the way of my healing is forgiveness.

Cry tears, kick, scream, and smile at your ability to embrace your hurt,

Be strong enough to mend your soul,

Accept the things that have broken you. Stand tall on the broken pieces and say, “I made it!”

Heal because to be whole is to live abundantly.

 

Poem from “Rose Petals Under a Reaper’s Robe”

 

Say that Then!!

Cocky, Yet Humble !

I know its been a short while since I have done a blog (Please forgive me ) BUT I haven’t really had much to talk about. Until recently I have started to pay more attention to things people say when it comes to being humble or boasting about your accomplishments.

Everyone somehow seems to feel that being proud of yourself is some how being cocky. That it should not be done because it makes someone who hasn’t reached their peek feel some type of way . That every accomplishment you reach should be kept a secret. BUT FOR WHAT ?! Why am I accommodating the egos of others? Why do I have to feel ashamed of saying I’m proud of myself or allowing others to know the things that I have done with great pride ? We don’t get upset with rappers and singers flashing their name brands and jewelry around. So who says that being proud isn’t the way ?

x99r3319I feel like for anyone who has maybe had a rough start in their  careers or just now deciding to go back to school , or just started a business has the right to be happy for themselves and to be proud !

I say this because I have found myself for many years helping others achieve their goals and being the biggest cheerleader. And while doing so I have never had an ounce of envy. My first thought was always to ask myself ; who is in my corner to be supportive as I take my leap of faith and fulfill my purpose. How do I get to the place that will make me proud of ME! I have published three books in less than a years time. From the first yep-i-did-thatrelease of my book I got an amazing amount of feedback and support and I never really took into consideration the fact that I AM AN AUTHOR. My words, and thoughts and feelings are at the fingertips of those who know me personally and those who may never meet me in their life. Yet, I held my excitement in because naturally I still did not feel as though this was such a major accomplishment compared to others. Then I released my second and third book back to back. Then releasing two small brands of clothing.

Then it finally dawned on me that I have the right to be proud of myself. I have the right to say this was my journey to these small successes and there will only be more things to come for me in the future. I found that me finally saying that “I’m here, I’ve done this,” and still being HUMBLE enough to help others has set me apart from the ” cocky” stereotype. I think its imperative that women or anyone for that matter take their accomplishments with great pride because only we know the journey it took in order to get there.